New Year’s Eve 2019: A Talk at Dai Bosatsu Zendo
By Shinge Roko Sherry Chayat, Abbot
Hanging in the entryway to the zendo is a large scroll with a haiku by Nakagawa Soen Roshi that is rarely seen due to its size. The haiku is well known, and in translation it reads,
Snow of all countries
Melting into
Namu Dai Bosa!
We come to this mountain monastery from different countries, cultures and life circumstances. Just as no snowflake is the same as another, each of us is unique. At the same time, in our zazen we are melting into the vast, pure whiteness, the Oneness of this awakened heart/mind: Namu Dai Bosa!
As we reflect on 2019, we are aware of the many challenges—global, national, and personal—the year posed. They are not apart from us; we are all implicated in and affected by the worsening climate crisis, the injustice toward immigrants and refugees, the prevalence of addiction, racism, and violence, and all the deceptions that support political tyranny and corporate abuse.
The temptation may be to turn away, numb out, shield ourselves from the turmoil. Overwhelmed by negativity and emotional turbulence, we may feel harried, hurried, overstimulated, buffetted by a world that seems at odds with itself. But it’s never a matter of us and them. Internal and external phenomena are of one substance. “In the higher realm of true Suchness there is neither ‘self’ nor ‘other,’” as the Third Ancestor, Sosan Kanchi, said. “When direct identification is sought, we can only say, ‘Not two.’”
We don’t practice Zen merely to get some moments of respite; we don’t come to the zendo to escape the ten thousand things, even though we may hope to do so when we first begin. As we continue, as we meet our own difficulties and struggles without looking away, we quickly notice when that tower of ego, with its demand for autonomy, rises up. We hear the inner monologue: I need, I must, I have to, I crave, I fear… the words themselves betray an enslavement to old patterns. Indeed it’s embarrassing how often we fall prey to the deluded and grasping nature of the ego-entity, which we think is our identity. And how lonely we feel when we believe in that; how desperately we yearn to break free of the barricades we’ve erected to intimacy; to have the courage to be vulnerable and open.
As I often say, desperation is the mother of transformation. Each time I make some mistake, whether in speaking, or through a poor choice, or a burst of irritation, I know the cause: the ego has been threatened. In that moment I can say, thank you, mistake; thank you for reminding me to return to my true being; thank you for reminding me why I’m here; thank you for the pain that allows me to feel compassion for all who are struggling. In that gratitude, what wells up is the I who cares deeply for you, who knows that we are not two.
We change our mind; our mind changes the world. It’s no longer a question of convenience or comfort. This is an urgent matter. We must do it, we must take our next steps on the path, must hew to the path for dear life, this dear precious life of being human. We make mistakes; we fall down; and immediately we recite the verse of purification with true remorse, true atonement.
And then? Sit. Return to One. And then? Get up from the cushion, go out of the zendo, go down the mountain, go into the hustle and bustle of life with the equanimity that is born of this practice, and “extend this mind over the whole universe, so that we and all beings together may attain maturity in Buddha’s wisdom.”
Namu Dai Bosa! Snow of all countries, all beings, is falling, freezing, melting into One. The Buddha-Dharma is prior to nations, prior to views, prior to individuals, prior to any word that can be said about it. The more we just sit, just exhale completely, giving it all away, the more we feel the urgency to practice with unswerving determination, and gratitude fills the heart/mind. So let us enter the new year with utmost dedication and the renewal of our vow to liberate all beings from suffering. May we do so with clear insight—with 2020 vision!